#random – again

FREEDOM ON THE WEB

 

I just recently started spending so much time on the computer that I am thinking of going on a technical freeze! I gave up individuality of social networking sites because I was just plum OVER THEM ALL! After you have networked enough…..given your opinion enugh….signed enough petitions, gotten involved etc..

What else is there to do besides to stay connected to the people that you experienced productivity from! I have learned more toward my own personal time and efforts in the chance to getting to know myself all over again and just making sure that I have NOT forgotten my purpose ( s ) in this life!

There is no point via networking as well as communicating with so so many people if there is NOTHING coming out of the connection for either party. I am so not into connecting for the SAKE OF CONNECTING!  Being online seems to FREE ME from the foolishness of unwanted contact sometimes…. that came out wrong but please know that is not how I meant it….

Even with this blog that I have….. it has been up since like 2005 and I tell NO ONE about it because I can write and speak in peace without a group of church folk wondering what I am saying…. a certain political party wishing that I didnt say what I just said or more so typed…. and my interesting set of worldly friends getting upset because I refuse to find a “cause” for their sinful ways…

Blogging allows me to give back in ways that I seem to not be able to in person ” at times”………. I feel REALLY FREE here and I love it…. meeting like minded people who are NOT of my fold stretches me and does not allow me to feel or get comfy because I am representing Christ. ( which is a great thing! )

People need to learn that they are not the most important thing really in anyone’s lives…. Even if you are married, you must realize that you are indeed a priority to your partner’s life BUT they too need space to breath and have at a few “waking moments” to be themselves and remember who they were / are before they became connected to another person.

Partnership is a BEAUTIFUL thing but INDIVIDUALITY is even better! If you dont know who you are when you are alone… how can you adequately add to your mate and bring a productive balance? Please dont try to answer because there is NO answer to that question!

I am over EVERYONE even myself…. So if I have found discovery within my ownself, I am certainly not going to cope with the heaviness that others may bring. If you literally take the time and SEARCH for me online, then maybe you will find this free and liberating blog of mine! LOL However, if you dont, you will NEVER know that I chose to let loose on a daily basis…

Search for me yes, reach out to me yes, BUT STALK ME? Please NO and then please stop! I have had a few that wanted to ask like 100 questions but I politely acted as if I couldnt see nor could I hear….

Come correct or dont come at all …. ESPECIALLY when I didnt ask you to come and you came all on your own!

 

confessions does the body GOOD!

I have a cofession to make……. to my family this will be more than likely be upsetting to them because it will show them that I am human. It will show friends and acquaintences that I was not who they thought that I was…but I MUST finally come clean with everybody!! I have tried to hold on, make due and PRETEND long enough and to be honest….

it has worn me out over the last 15 years! YES…I SAID 15 long, frustrating, devastating, tiresome, idiotic, silly, embarrassing, irritating years! It took me a long time to admit this as well BUT I MUST confess that………

I am NOT a Super Hero!!!

Just beautiful, strong, exotic, fearless, mesmerizing, captivating as this Super Hero looks…you have to remember that UNDER all of the exterior colors, outfit and cape that there is just a normal WOMAN in there!

Trust me she has real feelings…… 

She cries

She shops too much

She loves some unhealty foods

She has body image issues

She sometimes is an over achiever

She needs a break

She loses her keys

She argues with her family

She has road rage

She gets lonely

She gets very frustrated

She displays anger

She has a disrespectful kid or two

She has fits with God

She needs a serious break

She gets tired of the foolishness of church

She gets upset at leadership

She gains and loses friends

She wants to be married

She is hard headed

She is stubborn

She has temper tamper tantrums

She sometimes tries to take the easy way out

I would share more with you but I dont want to overwhelm you anymore with my mind blowing confession! I am sorry everyone BUT my cape not only got ripped but it is time to DESTROY it so that I can no longer pretend to ENJOY flying in places where I have not been ordained by God to fly…. NO FLY ZONE…….

Whew…. that felt good! LOL She  does ” LOOK” pretty amazing but she is surely NOT REAL!….. Welp, at least in my world she is not!

mad /disappointed

SPAZED and TICKERD are the 2 mains word that I could use for today in regards to how my son acted today… I could really find and use a whole bumch of other words as well. I dont understand my 9 1/2 year old within this last year and a half. Yes! He is a good kid but when he does “his fair share” of kid things or acting out things >>> IT TAKES ME THERE! 

I have already had the talk with him that I wont tolerate any MAJOR sob stories via his father not never being there for him because it is 2012 and the things that we have been through together didnt break us and God indeed has blessed and covered us from HELL. Of COURSE any child would want to have an awesome relationship with their Father!

However and unfortunately for him, that is sadly not the case. Please know, I am 200% active in my son’s life and I am surely not  hopping        around either, as if  everything is alright…. Then I am indeed not  skipping      around like I dont have a care in the world……. I am indeed  involved in my little Jared’s life!

I asked him the other day these questions…

What color are you considered?

Do you like yourself?

Do you feel that you have friends?

Do you like your family?

Do you like school?

Do you miss / think of your dad everyday?

What type of grades do you make?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you love yourself?

Do you feel that you can function even though your father is not in your life?

Are you STILL angry at him? Do you feel unloved?

Do you feel like hitting something or someone?

Do you trust me? Do you feel comfy talking to me? About anything? About everything?

Do you desire to start talking to a male Christian counselor to express your feelings with besides mommy?

Why and please explain?

Do you have good days? Why?  / Do you have bad days? Why?

Do you know what racism is? Have you ever experienced it?

What color is the president? What is his name? Was his father around? Did that stop the president? Is that a good thing?

Okay so you can SEE WHERE I AM TAKING this concept right? So with my son’s replies to all of the above questions that I have asked him does NOT allow me to tolerate him acting A FOOL! He is intelligent and can express himself very well and as his mother I can discern and understand the things that he may not be sharing etc.

Nonetheless, we will NOT use the FACT that your father is not a participant in your life to compensate FOR EVERY WRONG that you have been doing lately!

Then to think about how black women gets stereo typed because they show a little anger every now and then….well maybe it is because they have to deal with situations that some other races dont have to deal with “too much”…..  The African American males just have a much higher percentage rate of abandoning their children and I have been Super Woman and Wonder Woman for the last 9 1/2 years from CONSISTENTLY having my son in…..

Tae kwon do, Baseball Camps – Clinics and the regular season, Basketball and Soccer. Oh, let us not leave out allowing him to go away to camp 3 times a year via fellowship and male mentorship, then church male ministry programs, music lessons, play time with friends, season tickets for the major league baseball team in our city because he told me and showed me that he wants to be a baseball player since he was 4 years old…..

Well I hope that is enough for people to understand and give some black women some room and slack to have an OFF DAY…..a BAD DAY….a BREAK etc..etc..etc.. GEESH!

ummm  I could name at least 10 more things but it would make me want to do this >>>

I have to blog because I never want to say something to him that I will regret out of anger and disappointment… I am upset but the show still goes on in the Coleman household.. I still love him unconditionally but I want to unconditionally beat his butt too!!!

Geesh im sooooooooooooo ticked….. this boy better get his act together because as of today and at this very second in time.. I AM SOO ASHAMED of him right now…….  so not cool Jared!!!!!

P.S.  dead beat fathers are a disgrace to the human race! GOOD and PRODUCTIVE Single Mothers can carry and harbor anger themselves at times… I can freely admit that because I used to! Mothers just get REALLY tired of doing everything by themselves.. financially, physically, emotionally etc. Well I praise God that I dont feel like this anymore! > >> 

Men you dont have to be perfect but YOU DO HAVE TO BE THERE!

Dear God, why do I have to feel like I am the Father and the Mother GEESH!  #done.com

honesty = genuine relationships

As we grapple though our short comings in life… sometimes we are MOST likely to avoid honest communication with others about our problems. However, it is important that we return to the one consistent relationship that will help us in facing the truth about ourselves…. >>>  which is GOD.

However,  in the Bible… Apostle Paul talked about the true value of honesty…… Stating that we should put away all falsehood and tell your neighbor the truth……  Accountability and honesty in ANY relationship is essential to successful living so to speak! When we make ourselves ACCOUNTABLE “to others”, the caring influence of Godly friends can help keep us on the right track.. LITERALLY.

They also can provide us with and objective perspective and help us to admit the truth “about ourselves”…. The enemy pushes the Saint to sometimes isolate themselves due to their shame / embarrassment of whatever the individual may be going through at the time. That is why the importance of genuine and constant fellowship is so imperative in our daily lives…

Yes, we all need our space and need some alone time but you should desire to be around others like yourself as well as other individuals who will steer you into the right path.

It does not always have to be a preacher in your corner saying ” GO – FIGHT – WIN”… BUT there should be someone or a few people that are supportin /cheering for you.

How I look at the matter is that to some degree we are ALL held accountable to “some degree”  for one another.. regardless if it is:

being kind

saying a prayer

lending a helping hand

displaying affection

donating your time

feeding your neighbor

The gospel singer Hez Walker made the MOST AMAZING song called ” I Need You To Survive “…. I still seem to get all warm and fuzzy inside when I hear it because it is sooooooooooooo the truth… You pray for me.. I pray for you… I wont harm you with the words from my mouth…I love you.. I need you to survive… is basically the MAIN focal points of the song. Words like that are indeed worth repeating verbally and in action!

Let God pick your friends and then you can pick where you and your friends go to dinner! LOL

celebrating differences

First of all I just noticed that me and the woman in the photo are wearing the exact same color scheme and that was not planned! LOL Today people should not assume that the circle (s) of people or clicks that they have chosen to surround themselves with is not the END ALL / BE ALL approach to real relationships.  Over the last 5 years I have found a sense of humor, realized that I dont have to be in church 7 days a week, understood that balance within family, work and ministry is a MUST and that being silent at times is so powerful.

Sometimes I think back to how I used to be and laugh because I have come a mighty long way.. Now granted everyone has a past but some are just worse than others. We have all fallen short and it is up to God to decide on the depth that each person has fallen, not us. Judge slowly because you never know when it may be you who are in need of help or better yet, it could be a family or friend.  Being different is alright and because of that should not change your opportunities in life.

What we have to do… is to find a way to celebrate our diversity and debate our differences without fracturing our communities. We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.

The beauty of Difference is of the essence of humanity. Difference is an accident of birth and it should therefore never be the source of hatred or conflict. The answer to difference is to respect it. Therein lies a most fundamental principle of peace: respect for diversity.
Human diversity makes tolerance more than a virtue; it makes it a requirement for survival.

I now have and fellowship with loved ones with very different backgrounds and it does not matter if they have the same clothing as I do, the same education, social class / status, denomination etc….etc..etc..etc… God has had me on this AGAPE LOVE that He speaks about and displayed in the Holy Scriptures…….

Showing love  should also displays the need to be there for them. help whenever possible…….. tell them how much you love and care for them. always remember: be careful about how you end your meetings, don’t ever end a conversation angrily, you never know if those could be the last words you say to them.

This is the same young lady that reminds me of my own baby sister and everytime that I see her shows me that LIFE isnt that bad! This girl fights to stay clean and sober and I even get inspired…… to even want to help her and other women like her. A great deal of people in ministry I am sure may have a past that they may not have a desire to speak about……but the women that I have seemed to find myself around lately, seem to LOVE to share their story / testimony!