Baffled

This is NOT the look of a 10 year old boy who had a birthday the day before and was given a great deal of things and went a lot of places. This cannot be the same person with this expression on his face can it? I am still confused MYSELF of this little transition from yesterday until today……

His face is displaying the reaction from his AMAZING mother punishing him because of something the he chose to do THIS MORNING! Yes we are SUPPOSE to still be in celebration mode for his birthday BUT when you make the wrong choices in life – THINGS HAPPEN.  The world does not care what day of the week it is….who’s birthday it is….who died… who was born…..who is sad….who is crying…..who got married…who is joyful…..etc..etc..etc.. Learn early son and it will make your life EASIER.

I REMINDED him how good of a Parent that I have been and that he knows that I only request CERTAIN LITTLE things via his behavior. I am raising him as a Christian, God -Fearing and respectful wisdomatic boy. He knows better and that is why it bothered me as well to place him on punishment at 6 am this monring when we had such an awesome time yesterday and the AMAZING things that I had planned for him via the rest of the weekend. Nonetheless, we all have to learn lessons in life and I am glad that I can be the one to teach him a variety of them….all within the confinments of my home.

Happy Birtthday anyway Button Drop!! You will learn from this and respect me for it later! Being disobedient can cause damage to your own life!

FINALLY!

Over the last 2 weeks, I have been obtaining strategy to deal with my family – mainly my almost 19 year old twin children. I have written MANY blogs about them and 2 out of 50 have been positive and the 50 of course has been me expressing how much pain that I have been experiencing.  Well, the last 2 weeks have mentally, emotionally and spiritually AMAZING! I have finally LET GO in order for The Lord to FLOW in their lives! I did not think that I would be able to do it but I did and I am very glad about it. God knows that I love my two oldest BUT the way that they have treated me since they have stayed with their father has TRULY BEEN UNBEARABLE!  I am no perfect mother but I have strived for perfection in Christ Jesus!

I just FINALLY have peace and joy with how I will deal with my kids going forward because you have no idea how horrid it has been for me over the years. When God would instruct me to do things and I DID NOT WANT TO, I did anyway. Doing things GOD’S WAY is always a must for TRUE and LASTING success! My children have only desired to use me for what I was able to give them or what doors that I would be able to open for them-  God showed me last week that is the same concept that we as Christians do towards Him! Nonetheless, this time of silence and separation that HE has ordained for me I have SOOOOOOO EMBRACED!

To my fellow parents, especially single parents – KNOW THAT the seeds of Christ that you have implanted into your children shall not die within them and your labor has not been in vain! You have to NOW operate as a minister and NOT as an earthly parent because going back and forth being a minister then handling your kids as a parent confuses the very task of what you are trying to accomplish. For goodness sake, ALWAYS STAND YOUR GROUND via your Christian principles and what you will and will not allow in your life, your house, your atmosphere etc.

It may take a minute for you to obtain the epiphany but know that it will come so you can move forward in the things of God on your children’s behalf. What God has me operating is BEYOND the Tough Love Approach – this is SPIRITUAL WARFARE!

The beauty of it ” NOW ” is that I know that I am at the end of the war!!! The enemy has been winning all of these battles between me and my teenagers but I serve a God that reminds me and has shown me how I AM GOING TO WIN! Matter of fact, I have already won and I am just in the waiting period of the situation! To God be the Glory for the many things that He has done, is doing and will do!

It feels utterly amazing

Cartoons Come 2 Life

If you dont understand the 4 part photo here it goes…

1. little girl heard someone curse and is mocking it but instead of correcting the girl, the mom laughs

2. child starts to like the degrading music that the mom listens to & starts doing familiar dancing – mom thinks its cute

3. mom expressing to her daughter that she can make alot of money shaking her body around

4. child became pregnant from all of her booty popping

Moral of the story…… dont co – sign on the negative things that your child does and be an example at all times!

STOP crying over what you could have been prevented!

The Hardest Job!

I dont care what anyone says…. I feel that being a parent is the hardest thing to do on the planet! I dont care what type of work that anyone does, they punch in and punch out. However, being a parent – YOU DONT!

I mean it is a NON – STOP mental….spiritual….personal…..emotional… physical….and financial committment.  The bad times and the good times take a serious toll at times and especially if you are either “winging it alone” or you are attempting to “co – parent” and it indeed is not working! The funny thing is that my youngest is about to turn 10 and my two oldest are about to turn 19 and I am just NOW really getting this crazy visual of parenthood! That is probably because my two oldest have taken me to “earthly” – mountain top HELL and back so many times that it feels as if I never left!

I have a headache even as I am trying to blog this because just thinking about all of the things that I do and have done makes me EXHAUSTED even thinking about it….. and to think that I am not EVER going to be finished unless I am dead! GEESH…..Seriously that is a huge pill to “digest”…….. If your kids are semi good then I guess that it is “not so bad”….. well no! I am lying because it is still a great deal that “productive” parents do!

Dear God,

Is this how you feel about us “at times” too? If so, my goodness I am sooooooooooooo sorry for ripping your heart out a million times after I promised to do better!

Whew – that hot or cold scenario that is clearly explained in scripture is what I have been dealing with over the last 7 years with my oldest….. and I am now to the point of just spewing them out of my mouth until they can CONSISTENTLY choose correctly. I have heard that your kids act out via what you put your own parents through………… Well I am here to say that is indeed false!! I did not EVER act the way my almost 19 year old teenagers behave, let alone their horrid potty mouths!

Emotionally being tapped out is my main concern at this juncture…… it feels like I am working on a relationship when it feels like divorce is in the air when it comes to my two older kids…. and when my youngest has his days – I really stand and stare in the mirror…..HONESTLY saying – WOW!! I wanted to be a mother??????????

Seriously? what ever happened to me adopting 1 child and planning my life as early as high school? I had my life planned out as early as the 11 grade in high school, funny right!!

That is the BEST way to make God laugh is for us to plan our own lives and ASSUME that it will all come to pass without “acknowledging” God in the process!

Yesterday!!!

YESTERDAY!!!! ………  The enemy almost had me jacked up!  Yesterday I wanted to flip out!!! Yesterday I so needed my mother!!! Yesterday I needed a hug from my sister!! Yesterday I wanted to choke my son!! Yesterday I felt like not wanting to be my son’s mother!!!!! Yesterday I needed God to take the pain away!! The bitterness surely was on its way and I am glad that God “blocked it”…… ( that is a true blessing )

Yesterday I was so upset that I could not even cry!!!! Yesterday, God allowed me to go through a very STRONG AND STORMY situation and he then gave me the peace that I needed and allowed me to have and maintain victory over the situation!

Yesterday God reminded me that I have to regroup and refocus to keep my sanity…. Yesterday God advised me that He allowed all of these things that I felt were so bad to transpire… Yesterday God said.. all is well.

OH GOD!!! Is all that I kept saying out loud!I almost felt as if I was INDEED going to lose my mind and the ONLY thing that can shift me toward that direction is when it comes to “family matters/ situations”…..

Welp guess what! The enemy knows that as well so trust me when I tell you that he works in OVERTIME and OVERDRIVE in that area because he loves to see me breakdown…..

Listen as a parent – your kids will surely take “you there” if and when you allow then…..  My kids ….my teenage twins have really put me through it since they were 12 1/2 years old and ask me if things has gotten any better?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm… umm yeah like maybe like 3 months out of EVERY year that has passed since they have been that age! OH MY GOODNESS – HELP ME! For my teenage ungrateful kids to ONLY desire to reach out when it is a FINANCIAL thing is a sad thing.

It is a HORRIBLE….HORRID….HORRIFIC….UNBEARBALE thing to try and raise your children with another parent who has 100% DIFFERENT WAY of raising them but they are in their care. AGONY I tell you…COMPLETE AND STRAIGHT agony!

Of course children ”rather”  sway toward the mind set of the parent and their family that allows things to be a bit easier on them….. Mother or not – I have feelings and indeed to SEE that they do not care about that but care ONLY the feelings that comes along with my pocket book.

The children also have to take blame in the things that they have done as well as have not done through out this horrid process as well… Allowing his father to think “one way” when it is not the truth and my son not speaking up is basically “co – signing” with what the interperation of me in situations.

I have CARED what my teenage kids as well as their father and family have felt about me via parenting LONG ENOUGH…… at this point in my life I feel soo empowered to move on!

My teenage kids will turn 19 this July and I have not washed my hands of “them” but I am indeed allowing LIFE to take its course! I will continue to pray on their behalf but nothing more and nothing less…… I know that I am not the only mother who has NO RELATIONSHIP with their kids father but it is sad that two parents cannot come together and raise their kids.

I do not beleive in allowing kids “to run the show” and the course of the relationship styles of the parents! Well that is what has BEEN HAPPENEING over the years and of course I am the bad guy because I have ALWAYS stood my motherly / Christian ground! It does not feel good while it is working but I know that it is working for MY GOOD.

Praying that God will save my kids! No wait…. God will save them! So my prayer is that they DESIRE and CHOOSE to become and maintain their salvation with The Lord! It is THEIR choice…..

I feel so much better thanks to waiting patiently to hear the voice of The Lord speak to me…. I am well… all is well and I have peace within “again”….

Honor your parents – that is the Holy Scriptures and no success will come until they can learn to honor! Things may look good and feel good but trust me, God will “shut it down” when people least expect it. You cannot go through life not doing what you are supposed to do and feel that you are going to reap the harvest of The Lord!

Digusting 101

Via the news today, this Tennessee man shown above has fathered 30 children and has the NERVE to ask the courts for a break on child support. Desmond Hatchett, is ONLY 33 years of age and SADLY has children with 11 different women. The state already takes half his paycheck and divides it up, which doesn’t amount to much when Hatchett is making only minimum wage. Some of the moms receive as little as $1.49 a month. The oldest child is 14 years old.

He had four kids in the same year, twice!!!!  Back in 2009 when Hatchett was in court to answer charges that many of the mothers were not receiving child support, he had 21 children. At the time, he said he was not going to father any more kids, but he ended up having nine more in the past three years.

The state cannot order Hatchett to stop making babies. He hasn’t broken any laws, according to the report! I am so shocked that legislation has NOT been put in place for this type of foolishness. I mean in China, they do have the 1 child law!! It is situations like these that may have American Lawmakers think twice about changing a few laws here and there!

However, but once the government gets involved in this type of magnitude – who knows what can of worms that could be opening up! So with that being said – maybe we should NOT bother Pandora’s Crepy – Negative and Unstable Box!

Back to square one………

CRAZY RIGHT! ( shame – shame – shame )

5 Things

Character – Strength – Intelligence – Spirituality – Education

These are the main core things that I was raised on and they still seem to “seep out of me” very strongly. They are all needed to be productive in life and whatever “main stream society” that you reside in.

I am still “working on” these 5 things because honestly, they have molded me into the woman that I am “presently” and still growing into.

My character has “stayed in tact” regardless of  the negative darts that the enemy has tried to throw my way.

My strength has allowed me not to fall into “divers temptations”…and remind myself that prayer STILL works even when “I see”  NO change.

My spirituality has kept me from losing my mind via my trials & major tribulations with the wisdom seeds from God.

My education has introduced me to employment opportunities.

My intelligence has kept me  in front of the line in almost everything that I have been interested in.

YES!…..There are indeed multiple other things that are needed and can be used to help develop a productive woman and man… Remember, everyone was / is being raised differently.

However, just sitting here thinking – I realized that these have been the 5 MAIN focal attributes “in MY life” from childhood to present. I will always need improvement but now – I am not “too shabby”.. LOL

School Project

The enemy would LOVE to take any human being at any time…any moment and anywhere. If he can obtain “space” during childhood years, to him that is a prize to him. The early years…the growing years…the crucial years are CRUCIAL spiritually.

Right now in one of my Grad School classes we are focusing on deviance and how it happens. I am focusing my studies on HOW – WHEN and WHY it occurs.

This video is a sad but great example to explain and show that spriituality is apart of it. Look at her age and the things that are coming out of her mouth.

Examples

I have realized that with my son turning 10 years old at the end of the month that I have been the only real – consistent role model in his life!

My father has basically been like his father too but my father passed away when my son was 5 years old and he indeed cried like a baby…as I! Nonetheless, absentee parents / aunts / uncles and even siblings do not understand or care about the growth totality that is affected by their lack of being around!

Role Models are people who others imitate, emulate or look to for guidance. There are good role models who inspire greatness in others and bad role models who are what we call “bad influences.” There are even anti-role models, pegged by the media as “bad girls” or “bad boys” who serve as good examples of what NOT to do if you want to become a successful, respected person. Every parent wants their children to have positive role models who have the characteristics that inspire them to want to be (and become) their very best. While there is some variation in every parent’s definition of what it means to be a good person, there are some things that remain constant and I share with my son.

MY SON’S Little eyes are watching and little ears are ALWAYAS listening. When it comes to being a role model, you must be aware that the choices you make don’t only impact you but also the children who regard you as their superhero. Someday, they will be in the same predicament and think to themselves, “What did s/he do when s/he was in the same situation?” When you are a role model it’s not enough to tell your charges the best choices to make. You must show them how it’s done.

While I don’t want to keep spreading MYSELF too thin, it’s important to show my son that we can be more than just one thing. Great role models aren’t just “parents” or “teachers.” They’re great learners and challenge themselves to get out of their comfort zones. You may be a father who’s also a student of the martial arts, a great chef and a treasured friend. You may be a mother…..or father  who’s a gifted dancer and a curious photographer etc….etc…. When children see that their role models can be many things, they will learn that they don’t need to pigeon-hole themselves in order to be successful.

So on TOP OF all of the other millions of things that I try to keep “together and keep in place” on behalf of my son staying a productive member of society >>>> this is why I am always super – duper exhausted. It is a lot to do as well as maintain everyday “while doing me” too!!

Dear Son, Love Mom

The strength of a man isn’t seen in the width of his shoulders.
It’s seen in the width of his arms that encircle and protect you.

The strength of a man isn’t in the deep tone of his voice.
It is in the gentle words he whispers.

The strength of a man isn’t in the words he speaks.
It’s in how he keeps his word.

The strength of a man isn’t how many buddies he has.
It’s how good a buddy he is with his or “your” children.

The strength of a man isn’t in how respected he is at work.
It’s in how he is respected at home.

The strength of a man isn’t in how hard he hits.
It’s in how tender he touches.

The strength of a man isn’t in the hair on his chest.
It’s in the heart . . . that lies within his chest.

The strength of a man isn’t in how many women he’s loved.
It’s in whether he can be true to the ONE woman he’s trying to love.

The strength of a man isn’t in the weight he can lift.
It’s in the burdens he can carry.

The strength of a man isn’t in how much food he eats from your table.
It’s in the effort he puts forth when you are unable.

The strength of a man isn’t in how he makes love.
It’s in the understanding that there is more to making love
. . . than making love.

A strong man puts God first,
. . . family second
. . . and his work third.