Helping Self...

Just Thinking –

I have been exposed to diversity all of my life but over the last 10 years I have reshifted my focus towards my OWN community. Was it right? No? Did I feel that I had just cause? Yes – the way that the COMMUNITY acts towards one another from within the COMMUNITY left me no choice but to mentally – physically – emotionally – financially – and sometimes even spiritually from the community.

However, after seeing a movie on August 20, 2013 and it changed me in a way that I scared even myself – I love PEOPLE in general and watching history take place and unfold in front of me on a big screen with total silence in the room ( minus a few parts of a movie that may have been edited for viewing ) still made me become aware of emotions that I had NO IDEA I had the ability to even feel towards another person. However – after the movie was over – I went to go and “speak to myself” and purge what I was feeling –

Although I ONLY spoke for about 10 minutes – I still felt as if I indeed had soo much MORE to say – but I was TERRIFIED how it would actually leave from my lips – Black History has a great deal of blemishes in it….. but it cannot be ERASED but it can be used as a tool of how WE ALL CAN do better and promote and push for LOVE AND EQUALITY – Did I get upset? Yes, Did I cry? YES, Did I become bitter? No, Did I pause and re-evaluate my friendships of anyone who is white in my life? Yes.

Did it change my views of them? NO!!  Ugghhh!! Racism is ugly …

Now that I am BETTER and I have CALMED myself down – I feel great – I feel good – I feel free – I feel blessed – I feel strong – I feel different – I feel worthy – I feel accomplished – I feel valued – I feel blessed – I feel invincible – I feel beautiful – I am just honored that I can EVEN FEEL ANYTHING –


A Simple Conversation


Well, since I have established a foundation that my son can come to be about ANY AND EVERYTHING….. I have molded myself to be alright with whatever with his answers are to the things that we discuss –

However but when it comes to relationships, we talk about several things and some of his replies have me astounded more so because of his age bracket!

Marriage – he says he does not want to get a divorce so he will take his time     ( whew I am so proud of my baby) and I am glad that he understands divorce which – he is a victim of it so he understands.


ME: Jared so what is your type because I know that you are starting to think that girls are cute! I see all those little girls at school screaming and saying Hi to you all at the same time! They sound like a bunch of cats that are in pain!

SON: Mom what do you mean my type

ME: What type of girls do you think is pretty, what type of career do you want her to have, do you want her

SON: I like tiny blonde girls at school, you know white girls mom

ME: Oh okay, is that the only type that you like? Just white girls?

SON: I like only a few black girls but they have to act normal like you

ME: Baby what is normal?

SON: Not loud and stuff mom, they are smart, short, pretty dress nice  and have a lot friends

ME: Awww baby, that is sweet baby but the things that you named are only a small part of what a woman is about

SON: What do you mean mom

ME: The things that you want in a woman should be things that cannot always be seen ONLY on the outside. How does she make you feel, what are some things that you would want your wife to do for you

SON: Do you mean like talking and praying and stuff?

ME:  (I am laughing so hard ) YES! Things like that baby

SON: Oh well I want her to be just like you because we talk all the time, you always ask me what is the matter, you ask me what do I want to do with my life and when I tell you something different each week, you bring information about that field. See mom, I want someone who is like you, always there for me and telling me that I can do it!

ME: Now, it makes me feel good that you want someone who shares some of the same qualities that I have but remember you do NOT want to marry your mother or someone like your mother. You want and should marry your best friend. I can’t be her and she can’t be me.

SON: Mom, I know, that is why you are always fussing at me so I don’t be a baby and lazy in life

ME: Okay???  We will talk more later



WOW – Again!

I am soooooooooooooo glad that at the end, he realized what he was going to be getting for the rest of his marriage!

He gave his wedding ring BACK to her during the reception!

I hate divorce just as God does but it took him until the evening of his wedding and seeing how disrespectful his wife was toward his family for him to obtain his SENSE!

Geesh.. this was soo soo horrible!