Relationships

Forgiving –


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I have been dealing with the ART OF FORGIVNESS for some time now…..and God knows that lately that I have had to put it to the test… especially this afternoon – let alone the last few years of my life.  However, I have gotten to a place to deal with learning how to forgive quicker and quicker now…..  Sometimes we can feel that we have totally forgiven someone and then God will allow something to transpire and YOU SHALL SEE THE TRUTH on if you have or not!!

The first phase is defining it. Your views on forgiveness are more important than how others define it. Take some time to ask yourself, how do I define forgiveness? Who are the people in my life that have influenced my understanding of forgiveness? Who are my role models of forgiveness or un-forgiveness?

The second phase of the process of forgiveness is understanding the interpersonal transgressions (incidents of hurt) in our lives. This involves asking yourself: Who has hurt me? When did it happen? Where did it happen? Why did it happen? What was the person thinking of when he or she hurt me? (Why did they do it?).

The third phrase, is to examine the maladaptive transformations that take place when one is emotionally hurt. Our thinking, feelings, behavior, and even our physiology is impacted when a significant offense occurs.  Especially, when we hold on to it for a long time. We need to understand what has happened as a result of a deep interpersonal transgression (emotional hurt). It is during this phase of the forgiveness process that one is waiting for an apology. Sometimes, it never comes.

The fourth phase, conversion takes place when we decide to make some serious changes in our emotional lives. We start to replace maladaptive thoughts and behaviors with more positive constructive ways of viewing and interacting with ourselves and others. The crucial factor in this phase is realizing that when we are joined to Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17) we are a new creation and the “old” has gone.  Paul (Ephesians 4: 17-32) explains what this awesome conversion is all about. I encourage
you to read the passage. A sure sign that we are changing is when we begin to feel a sense of compassion towards the offender and ourselves.

The final phase is the healing stage. It involves forgiveness and reconciliation. As you can see, forgiveness is at the tail end of the  process. At this point of the forgiveness process we no longer feel angry and resentful.  We now understand what has happen to us and can start to forgive ourselves and others. Once we forgive, we can decide if we want to reconcile with the offender.

Reconciliation is always optional. It requires that we feel that it is safe to return to a relationship but you have to also understand that forgiveness is JUST THAT……. FORGIVING someone who betrayed you in some form or another….. IT DOES NOT MEAN that you have to maintain the SAME TYPE of relationship. Trust had to be earned to even establish a relationship and if you feel that the bond has been tainted / broken etc. it is your choice on whether to allow the individual to HAVE THAT SAME SPACE!

It is still forgiving but it also trusting yourself with your own feelings as well. TRUST AND LISTEN TO YOURSELF and know that when people SHOW YOU who they are the VERY FIRST TIME……do yourself a favor and BELIEVE THEM!

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Inspiration

Seriously! Dont Worry – Be Happy


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Whew!!!!! Sometimes it can appear that life throws more obstacles in our path than we can  handle. However, even in the face of the most challenging circumstances, you can  make the choice to be happy by following these 9 paths to happiness.

Dont stress yourself with useless people who do NOT deserve to be even an issue in your life…. Never invest too much emotion at one thing because if you. you will end up hurting yourself…. learn balance quick! Learn to live life without worries because GOD will take care of everything…regardless if you agree with HIS decisions…

Trust and Faith go together but seemingly we alway seem to pick them a part…..

Honor Yourself: Remember what the flight attendant says, “Put your own oxygen  mask on first.” You are of no use to anyone else if you have not taken care of  your own needs first – this includes your own emotional, as well as physical,  well-being.
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ALSO please dont forget to…….>>>>>Forgive Everyone For Everything: Forgiveness is a gift to yourself. YOU created  the stress in your life by getting angry, and YOU can instantly remove that  stress by granting forgiveness. Expressing your forgiveness to the other is  optional – internalizing that forgiveness is required in order to live a joyful  life. Don’t forget to also forgive yourself for everything you regret ever  having done or not done.

Relationships

The Art of Forgiving –


If you want to feel free, released from the past  then you must forgive. Forgive everyone, especially yourself. I know how difficult it is to overcome our natural and very human feelings of anger, guilt, resentment and fear. The basis of them can seem and may well be completely justified, you may be completely right to have these emotions and it is OK to experience them.

I have blogged about my twin teenagers SEVERAL times not so much documenting on the HORRID things they have done towards me over the years but I have given “interesting and colorful” examples of their behavior! I know from TRUE EXPERIENCE about “feeling justified” why you should not only BE UPSET but more so STAY UPSET.

However, these emotions damage your ability to move on, you must accept your emotions but then be prepared to let them go. To release yourself, you must forgive. Until you do you will remain the victim with your life locked into all those negative emotions.

Remember, life is in the now, the past is already finished and dead and cannot be changed. Nothing you can do now, can ever change the past, yet it is amazing how many people squander their emotional and life energy, consumed with anger or guilt about the past.

In this moment now, you have your power, the power to make your choices, take your action, to make a difference. You have no power in the past and you have no assurance of power in the future.

LONG STORY SHORT – I was able to forgive and re – connect with my 19 year old daughter and we are moving forward, staying positive, speaking faith, trusting God and loving life again but this time around……” TOGETHER ”

God is indeed AMAZING!